No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
