If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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