I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I lost the right to judge tonight
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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