Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
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