And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
