Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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