don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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