Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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