True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
