WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
