I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
