nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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