at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
