i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
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He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
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I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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