Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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