Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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