i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she peed on how many people?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
then he tried to convert me to islam
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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