Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
