so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
