Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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