Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
