you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
