You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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