I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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