her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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