Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
