nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
