i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
