Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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