It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
