i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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