We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
