glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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