Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
