cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
