Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
