im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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