She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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