Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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