R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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