Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
