Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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