That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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