Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
