Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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