you guys were way drunker than both of me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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