It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
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Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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