I want to make a zoo with you.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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