You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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