The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You're like the curious george of whores
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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