my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize