did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
