I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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