never play flip cup with pint glasses
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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