I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
