your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
