I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
