sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
