I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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