when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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