Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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