Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
