i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts