I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad