she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos