so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.