My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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