We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize