I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
