the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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