I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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