He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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